I was watching one of my shows one night when one of the lines just struck me. “Music is in you.” My heart was stirred because in the midst of this show, God began to show me more of the dreams that I had put on the wayside. Allow me to share how this has been true in my life.
Music has always been a part of my life, but similar to every area of my life the stronghold of fear had been trying to kill it. Fear has had such an immense grip on anything that would bring life, joy, peace, and fulfillment. I can remember vividly standing in front of my church at the age of 8, microphone in hand ready to sing a song that I had practiced over and over. I was eager to sing any chance I got but mostly in my room with anything that resembled a microphone. I would belt out my songs declaring the truth of who God is. But put me in front of anyone and I would feel shaken and paralyzed. I wondered if I could be free from the fear that wanted to paralyze me? Could I escape the nerves that wanted to take me out? I wanted to get out from underneath the suffocating hold of fear.
After every performance, I thought that was it. I thought I wouldn’t have to do it again, but the requests kept coming. It didn’t matter the frequency as I got older, whether it was solos, leading worship, or speaking in front of people (large or small groups); I was enslaved to fear.
I began to have a love/hate relationship with music and the way in which God would minister through me. I would do what God asked me to do, but I was so busy battling my fear and nervousness in the moment…making it extremely difficult to enter in and be present. It was exhausting dealing with the anxiety for days and sometimes months in advance.
Recently I came across my old report cards. Almost every single one had this one remark, “Juliana has much to offer and needs to participate more.” The problem was, I didn’t want to be noticed. I didn’t want to be seen, and yet God always seemed to want to put me up “front” and would put words or music on my heart to share.
After Mike and I were married, we lead worship together at our church and other events. Do you think the fear left? Nope! Though there was another person to do it with me, the fear still clung on.
Then we took a long break from leading worship anywhere. We were in the trenches of having kids and that season was not one that was open to music. I was both relieved and saddened at the same time.
A couple of years ago, we were a part of a home fellowship. The opportunity came around again to lead worship. The second Sunday I began to hear the lies very clearly, “Sit down! Be quiet! You have nothing to offer! Who do you think you are?!” They were loud and this time I actually couldn’t go any further. I broke down in front of this small fellowship. I confessed the lies. For YEARS, I had just tried to ignore the lies and suppress them; it clearly hadn’t worked. I opened up and let the hurts out. I opened up and spoke the lies into the LIGHT.
The small fellowship began to rally around me in prayer. They began to speak out loud the Truth of who I am, and we commanded this awful Spirit of Fear to go. I began to be taught a new way of casting down the things of old, of rebuking lies, and anything that sets itself against the true knowledge of God. I repented of the way that I had accepted that fear was just always going to be there. I confessed lie after lie that I had taken as Truth. I could actually feel fresh air coming back into my lungs! The weight that fear kept me under was actually being broken off!
God began to show me the calling He had on my life, it is using my VOICE; in various ways shapes and forms. And because of this, the enemy has set it as his mission to kill, steal and destroy any way of me rising up and believing the truth of who I am in Christ. I am a threat to the enemy when I believe all that God says about me. I am a threat to the enemy and the evil forces of darkness that are at work in this world when I walk confidently in who I am as a daughter of the King of kings and the Lord of lords! Yet, I am FREE by the work of Jesus on the Cross!
Perhaps you have been bound, shackled, and held back by fear or perhaps by something else in your life. Jesus has offered us a new way to live life. His way is all about FREEDOM!
Stay tuned to future posts and videos as I share what this freedom looks like. You were not created to just survive and exist in life, but rather to THRIVE and LIVE!
